Non-Monogamy/Polyamory

Embracing non-monogamy or polyamory

Embracing non-monogamy / polyamory is a beautiful journey that champions the rich tapestry of human connections and the diversity of love. It’s an exploration of love and relationships beyond the confines of traditional norms, allowing you to authentically express your desires and connect deeply with multiple partners. Yet, just like any other relationship style, it can present its fair share of challenges and complexities.

Navigating the intricate terrain of multiple relationships, managing emotions, and fostering open communication can be demanding. That’s why we invite you to consider the invaluable support of therapy on this remarkable journey. Therapy offers a compassionate and understanding space to explore, grow, and build the fulfilling, authentic relationships you desire while addressing any hurdles that may arise along the way.

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What Is Non-Monogamy/Polyamory
Common Reasons for Choosing Non-Monogamy/Polyamory
Common Challenges of Non-Monogamy/Polyamory
Benefits of Therapy for Non-Monogamy/Polyamory
Who Attends Therapy Sessions in Non-Monogamy/Polyamory Relationships?
Types of Therapy for Non-Monogamy / Polyamory
Next Steps

Embracing non-monogamy or polyamory

What Is Non-Monogamy/Polyamory

This is a consensual relationship choice that has as many names as there are unique relationships. But we’ll define some terms just to get started.

Non-Monogamy

Non-monogamy is a broad term that encompasses any relationship structure that does not adhere to traditional monogamous norms, where two people are exclusively committed to each other. Non-monogamous relationships can take various forms, including open relationships and polyamory.

Ethical non-monogamy is a general term that encompasses all forms of non-monogamous relationships where consent, communication, and transparency are emphasized. It highlights the importance of ethical and responsible behavior within the context of non-monogamy.

Polyamory

Polyamory is a specific form of non-monogamy characterized by the practice of having multiple romantic or emotional relationships simultaneously, with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamorous individuals seek to build meaningful, loving connections with multiple partners.

There are many different approaches to polyamory, including:

Solo Polyamory: Solo polyamory is a form of polyamory where individuals prioritize their autonomy and independence. They maintain multiple romantic or sexual connections but often do not seek to create a primary or nesting partner relationship.
Hierarchical Polyamory: Hierarchical polyamory involves having multiple relationships but with a clear hierarchy, where one relationship (usually a primary or nesting partnership) holds a higher level of importance or commitment than others.
Kitchen Table Polyamory: In this type of polyamory, all partners are encouraged to be friendly or even friends with each other. The idea is that everyone sits at the “kitchen table” together, fostering a sense of openness and community within the polycule (the network of interconnected relationships).
Polyfidelity: Polyfidelity is a form of polyamory where a closed group of individuals commit to being exclusive within the group. This is often seen as a way to combine the benefits of monogamy (emotional intimacy, exclusivity) with the benefits of non-monogamy (multiple partners).

Open Relationships

In an open relationship, partners agree that they can have sexual or romantic connections with others outside of their primary partnership. Open relationships often have clear rules and boundaries about what is allowed and what is not. There are various structures to open relationships just as there are to polyamory.

Relationship Anarchy

Relationship anarchy is a philosophy that emphasizes the importance of individual autonomy and rejects hierarchical structures in relationships. In this approach, there are no predefined roles or labels, and each relationship is allowed to develop organically.

Common Reasons for Choosing Non-Monogamy/Polyamory

People choose non-monogamy or polyamory for a variety of reasons. Their motivations can be diverse and deeply personal. Here are some common reasons why individuals and couples may opt for non-monogamous or polyamorous relationship styles:

Desire for Variety: Some individuals may find that they have a strong desire for sexual or romantic variety and want to explore connections with multiple people to fulfill different needs or desires.
Emotional Fulfillment: People who practice polyamory may do so because they believe that they have the capacity to love and connect with multiple partners on a deep emotional level, and they seek emotional fulfillment through these relationships.
Avoiding Monogamous Norms: Some individuals reject traditional monogamous norms and believe that they should have the freedom to structure their relationships in a way that aligns with their personal values and desires rather than societal expectations.
Compartmentalization: Some individuals find that different partners fulfill different aspects of their lives, such as emotional support, intellectual stimulation, or sexual satisfaction. Non-monogamy allows them to compartmentalize these needs and connect with different people for each.
Ethical Considerations: Many people choose non-monogamy because they believe it can be practiced ethically, with transparency, honesty, and consent at its core. They view it as an alternative to cheating or dishonesty in monogamous relationships.
Exploration and Growth: Non-monogamy can provide opportunities for self-discovery, personal growth, and expanding one’s understanding of relationships, intimacy, and communication.
Overcoming Jealousy and Insecurity: Some individuals may enter non-monogamous relationships as a way to confront and work through feelings of jealousy and insecurity, learning to manage these emotions in a healthy way.
Shared Interests: In some cases, partners may choose non-monogamy because they share common interests or desires for exploring new experiences and people together.
Long-Distance Relationships: Non-monogamy can be an option for individuals in long-distance relationships who want to meet their needs for physical and emotional intimacy while separated.
Flexible Relationships: Non-monogamous relationships can be more flexible and adaptable to the changing needs and circumstances of the individuals involved, allowing for more fluid relationship dynamics.
Community and Support: Some people are drawn to the supportive and inclusive communities that often exist within non-monogamous or polyamorous circles, providing a sense of belonging and understanding.
Compatibility: Partners may discover that they are more compatible in terms of values, interests, and life goals when they can each pursue their unique desires and passions outside the relationship.

Common Challenges of Non-Monogamy/Polyamory

Non-monogamy and polyamory can bring unique challenges that may inspire individuals or couples to seek therapy. These challenges often stem from the complexity of managing multiple relationships and navigating the emotional and interpersonal dynamics involved. Here are some common challenges:

Jealousy and Insecurity: Dealing with jealousy and insecurity is one of the most prevalent challenges in non-monogamous relationships. It can be difficult to manage feelings of jealousy when a partner is involved with someone else.
Communication Issues: Effective communication is essential in non-monogamous relationships to ensure that all parties involved are on the same page regarding boundaries, expectations, and emotional needs. Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
Boundary Setting and Maintenance: Establishing clear and healthy boundaries is crucial in non-monogamy, but it can be challenging to define and maintain these boundaries. Therapy can help individuals and couples identify and communicate their boundaries effectively.
Time Management: Balancing multiple relationships can be time-consuming and challenging. Individuals may struggle to allocate enough time and energy to each partner, leading to stress and conflicts.
Emotional Overwhelm: Managing the emotions that arise in multiple relationships can be overwhelming. It can be challenging to handle intense emotions and ensure that each partner feels valued and supported.
NRE (New Relationship Energy): NRE refers to the intense feelings of excitement and infatuation that often accompany new relationships. Managing NRE while maintaining existing relationships can be tricky and may require therapy to navigate.
Social Stigma and Discrimination: Non-monogamous individuals and couples may face judgment and discrimination from society or their social circles. Therapy can provide support and strategies for coping with societal pressures.
Inequality Among Partners: In hierarchical relationships, there may be issues of inequality or imbalance among partners. Therapy can help address power dynamics and ensure that all partners’ needs are met.
Compartmentalization: Some people find it challenging to compartmentalize their emotions and experiences in different relationships. This can lead to emotional confusion and distress.
Coming Out: Coming out as non-monogamous or polyamorous to family and friends can be a difficult process. Therapy can help individuals navigate these conversations and provide guidance on disclosure.
Experiences of Rejection: Non-monogamous individuals may face rejection or judgment from potential partners who are not comfortable with or do not understand non-monogamous relationship structures.
Legal and Practical Considerations: Non-monogamous individuals and couples may encounter legal and practical challenges, such as issues related to child custody, inheritance, or healthcare decision-making. Therapy can provide guidance on addressing these concerns.
Ethical Dilemmas: Ethical considerations can be complex in non-monogamous relationships, and individuals may seek therapy to explore and clarify their ethical values and choices.

Benefits of Therapy for Non-Monogamy/Polyamory

Therapy can offer numerous benefits for individuals and couples in non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships, and it’s essential to emphasize that seeking therapy doesn’t imply that something is wrong with the relationship or the people involved. In fact, therapy can be a proactive and constructive way to enhance and strengthen non-monogamous or polyamorous connections. Here are some of the benefits:

Enhanced Communication: Therapy provides a safe and structured space for open and honest communication. It can help individuals and partners develop effective communication skills, which are crucial for maintaining healthy relationships in non-monogamy.
Conflict Resolution: Therapists can assist in resolving conflicts and misunderstandings that may arise within non-monogamous relationships. They can teach valuable conflict resolution strategies to promote understanding and harmony.
Emotional Support: Non-monogamous relationships can evoke complex emotions. Therapy offers emotional support and validation, helping individuals process their feelings without judgment.
Boundary Clarification: Therapists can help individuals and couples clarify and establish healthy boundaries. This ensures that everyone’s needs and desires are respected and that relationships are built on a foundation of mutual consent.
Jealousy Management: Therapy provides tools and techniques for managing jealousy and insecurity, allowing individuals to work through these emotions constructively.
Exploration and Self-Discovery: Therapy can assist individuals in exploring their motivations and desires for non-monogamy, as well as helping them discover more about themselves and their relationship preferences.
Strengthening Existing Relationships: Therapy can be used to strengthen primary or existing partnerships by addressing any challenges that may arise due to non-monogamy. It can help couples reaffirm their commitment to one another.
Navigating New Relationships: For individuals or couples entering new relationships, therapy can offer guidance on setting expectations, managing NRE (New Relationship Energy), and ensuring that the transition is as smooth as possible.
Overcoming Stigma: Therapists can provide support in coping with societal stigma, helping individuals build resilience and confidence in their non-monogamous choices.
Personal Growth: Therapy can facilitate personal growth and self-awareness, enabling individuals to become more secure, confident, and capable of forming healthy connections with others.
Creating a Supportive Network: Therapists may assist individuals in building supportive networks within the non-monogamous or polyamorous community, fostering a sense of belonging and understanding.

Who Attends Therapy Sessions in Non-Monogamy/Polyamory Relationships?

In the realm of non-monogamous and polyamorous relationships, therapy can be a valuable resource for individuals, couples, and even extended family members who seek guidance, support, or personal growth. The decision of who attends therapy can vary widely based on the unique dynamics of each relationship and the specific issues or goals individuals and partners have. Here are some approaches to who attends therapy in non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships:

Individual Therapy for Non-Monogamy/Polyamory:

Individuals Exploring Non-Monogamy: People who are new to non-monogamy or polyamory may choose to attend therapy individually to explore their feelings, motivations, and desires, and to work through any fears or uncertainties they may have.
Managing Personal Challenges: Individuals facing personal challenges, such as jealousy, insecurity, or difficulties in managing multiple relationships, may seek individual therapy to address these issues.
Self-Discovery and Growth: Therapy can be a space for personal growth and self-discovery, allowing individuals to gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationship preferences.

Couples Therapy for Non-Monogamy/Polyamory:

Primary Couple: The primary couple, which may consist of two partners in a hierarchical polyamorous relationship or a committed non-monogamous couple, may attend therapy together to strengthen their bond, improve communication, and address any conflicts or challenges within their relationship.
Secondary Couples: In hierarchical or polyfidelitous arrangements, secondary couples within the network may attend therapy together to work on their specific dynamics, communication, and boundary-setting.
New Couples: Couples who are newly entering into a polyamorous or non-monogamous arrangement may attend therapy to set clear expectations, establish boundaries, and navigate the transition effectively.
Couples Facing Relationship Issues: Any couples within the non-monogamous network experiencing relationship issues, whether it’s jealousy, communication breakdowns, or trust issues, may opt for couples therapy to address and resolve these challenges.

Group or Network Therapy:

All Parties in the Network: Some non-monogamous networks choose to attend therapy sessions together as a group. This approach promotes open communication, mutual understanding, and the creation of a supportive and cohesive network.
Metamours: Metamours are the partners of one’s partner. Sometimes, metamours may choose to attend therapy sessions together to foster better communication and create a harmonious environment within the extended network.
Selected Parties: In some cases, only specific members of the non-monogamous network may attend therapy together, such as those experiencing conflicts or those seeking to strengthen their connections.

Extended Family and Loved Ones:

Supportive Family Members: Occasionally, individuals may invite family members or close friends to attend therapy sessions to help them better understand and accept their non-monogamous or polyamorous lifestyle. This can be particularly valuable for individuals who face challenges due to family misunderstandings or judgments.
Children of Polyamorous Families: In polyamorous families with children, therapy may be sought to help children understand and navigate the unique dynamics of their family, ensuring their emotional well-being and providing age-appropriate guidance.

Types of Therapy for Non-Monogamy / Polyamory

It’s important to note that the approach to therapy in non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships is highly individualized and adaptable to the specific needs and goals of each person and relationship. Here are some types of therapy that might be valuable to explore:

Polyamory-Affirmative Therapy

Some therapists specialize in working with non-monogamous and polyamorous individuals and couples. These therapists have a deep understanding of non-monogamous dynamics, issues, and challenges and offer a supportive and affirming environment for their clients.

Sex Therapy

Sex therapy can be beneficial for individuals or couples seeking guidance on sexual issues within non-monogamous relationships. It can address topics like sexual health, intimacy, and navigating multiple sexual relationships.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is effective for addressing specific issues like jealousy and insecurity. It focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors, providing practical strategies for managing emotions.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT helps couples and individuals identify and address emotional needs and attachment styles within non-monogamous relationships. It can improve emotional intimacy and connection.

Narrative Therapy

Narrative therapy explores the stories and narratives individuals have about themselves and their relationships. It can be useful for reframing beliefs and creating new narratives that align with non-monogamous or polyamorous values.

Imago Relationship Therapy

Imago therapy focuses on improving communication and resolving conflicts within couples. It can be helpful for couples seeking to enhance their connection and address issues related to non-monogamous dynamics.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

ACT is a mindfulness-based therapy that helps individuals accept their thoughts and feelings while committing to values-based actions. It can assist in navigating complex emotions and aligning behavior with relationship values.

Attachment-Based Therapy

This therapy explores attachment styles and how they influence relationships. It can be valuable for understanding and addressing attachment-related issues in non-monogamous or polyamorous dynamics.

Somatic Therapy

Somatic therapy focuses on the mind-body connection and helps individuals release physical tension and trauma. It can be useful for addressing trauma or stress related to non-monogamous experiences.

Next Steps

Are you ready to find a therapist who can assist you in navigating issues around non-monogamy/polyamory? Search our therapist directory today to find the one who is right for you. Or call us for more information.