How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions: The Difference Between HSP and Codependency

Kathryn March 18, 2025

Are You an Empath, an HSP, or Codependent? Why It Matters

If you often find yourself emotionally drained by other people’s moods, feeling responsible for fixing their distress, or struggling to separate your own emotions from those around you, you may have been told you’re an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), an empath, or codependent. While these terms are often used interchangeably, they represent distinct emotional experiences that require different approaches for healing and boundary-setting.

Highly Sensitive Person (HSP): A biological trait where a person’s nervous system is more reactive to external stimuli, including emotions, energy, and sensory input. HSPs do not automatically struggle with people-pleasing or self-worth issues, but they do absorb others’ emotions due to heightened sensory processing.
Empath: An informal term describing someone who deeply feels the emotions of others, often at a subconscious or energetic level. Empaths may struggle with emotional boundaries but are not necessarily codependent.
Codependency: A learned relational pattern where a person over-functions in relationships, ties their self-worth to how much they help others, and struggles with emotional differentiation—the ability to separate their own emotions from those of others.

Understanding the difference between heightened sensitivity and codependent emotional enmeshment is critical for learning how to stop absorbing other people’s emotions and develop emotional differentiation.

Learn more about codependency

Why Codependents Struggle with Emotional Differentiation

For those with codependent tendencies, absorbing others’ emotions is not just about sensitivity—it is a deeply ingrained survival mechanism. Many codependents learned early on that:

Their safety or acceptance depended on monitoring and managing other people’s emotions
Their role in relationships was to fix, soothe, or accommodate others’ distress
Expressing their own needs or emotions could result in rejection, guilt, or conflict

As a result, codependents develop emotional enmeshment, where they feel:

Responsible for making others feel better
Guilty when they prioritize their own emotions or needs
Uncomfortable when people are upset around them, even when it has nothing to do with them
Emotionally overwhelmed or drained in relationships

This lack of emotional differentiation leads to chronic stress, burnout, and resentment—yet many codependents struggle to recognize this pattern because they have been conditioned to believe that being emotionally fused with others is a sign of love, care, and connection.

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Emotional Differentiation vs. Emotional Absorption

To stop absorbing other people’s emotions, you need to develop emotional differentiation—the ability to remain emotionally present without taking on the emotions of those around you.

True connection does not require absorbing someone else’s pain—it requires being emotionally present without losing yourself in the process.

How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions: Steps to Emotional Differentiation

Developing emotional differentiation is not about becoming detached or indifferent—it’s about learning how to engage with others’ emotions without losing yourself in them. For those with codependent tendencies, the challenge isn’t just sensitivity; it’s the habit of over-identifying with others’ feelings and believing that managing their emotions is necessary for connection.

Breaking this cycle requires self-awareness, boundary-setting, and nervous system regulation. Instead of automatically absorbing external emotions, you can learn to pause, assess what belongs to you, and stay grounded in your own emotional state. The following steps will help you recognize when you are taking on emotions that aren’t yours and build skills to hold space for others without internalizing their distress.

1. Recognize When Emotional Absorption Is Happening

Before you can change the pattern, you need to become aware of when you’re taking on someone else’s emotions. Signs include:

A sudden shift in your mood that you can’t explain
Feeling emotionally exhausted after interacting with certain people
Becoming anxious or uncomfortable when someone else is upset
Feeling obligated to help, even when you weren’t asked

When you notice these signs, pause and ask yourself: “Is this feeling mine, or am I picking up someone else’s emotional state?”

2. Learn to Regulate Your Nervous System

Both HSPs and codependents struggle with heightened nervous system reactivity to other people’s emotions. If your body interprets emotional tension as a threat, you may instinctively absorb and manage it as a form of self-protection.

To shift this response:

Ground yourself physically: Place your feet on the floor, take deep breaths, and focus on bodily sensations to create separation between yourself and the external emotion.
Use visualization techniques: Imagine an energetic boundary, such as a protective shield or a light surrounding you, to help differentiate between your emotions and others’.
Engage in self-soothing practices: Meditation, journaling, or breathwork can help retrain your nervous systemto tolerate emotional discomfort without absorbing it.

3. Set Internal and External Boundaries

Not all boundary-setting is external (e.g., saying no, limiting contact). Many codependents need internal boundaries, which involve recognizing:

“This person’s emotions are not my responsibility.”
“I can care about them without carrying their pain.”
“I do not need to solve or fix this situation for them.”

For external boundaries:

Limit time spent with emotionally draining individuals.
Verbally reinforce boundaries: “I hear that you’re struggling, but I need to take care of myself right now.”
Use physical distance when necessary—step outside, change the subject, or disengage when you start feeling emotionally overwhelmed.

4. Stop Trying to Regulate Other People’s Emotions

Many codependents subconsciously alter their behavior to manage how others feel. This includes:

Over-apologizing
Trying to cheer people up when they need to process their emotions
Feeling responsible for smoothing over conflict
Silencing your own needs to maintain peace

Instead, practice letting people experience their emotions without taking it on yourself. Remind yourself:

It is not my job to fix this.
Their emotions belong to them, not me.
I can be supportive without absorbing their distress.

5. Strengthen Your Own Emotional Identity

When you don’t have a strong sense of what your own emotions feel like, it’s easy to take on the emotions of others. To strengthen your emotional identity:

Regularly check in with yourself: Ask, “What am I feeling right now?” before interacting with others.
Spend time alone to differentiate your energy from external influences.
Identify your values, preferences, and needs separate from others’ expectations.

The more grounded you are in your own emotional world, the less likely you are to absorb external emotions.

You Can Care Without Carrying

If you’ve spent years absorbing other people’s emotions, it can feel uncomfortable to step back and separate yourself. But true emotional health comes from learning to care about others without losing yourself in their emotions. Emotional differentiation allows you to:

Be compassionate without being emotionally burdened
Offer support without taking responsibility for someone else’s happiness
Prioritize your own well-being without guilt

If you struggle with codependency, emotional absorption, or difficulty setting boundaries, therapy can help. Some of our therapists specialize in codependency recovery, emotional differentiation, and boundary-setting.

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