This guest post is offered by our associate therapist, Rachel Lefkowitz Parnes, MA, Associate MFT. Rachel’s journey to becoming a therapist is deeply relatable to many of our Bay Area clients, having spent nearly a decade successfully navigating the high stakes environment of the tech world at LinkedIn. Her lived experience of performance culture, combined with her deep clinical training in Somatic and Attachment approaches, gives her a unique lens for understanding burnout, anxiety, and the pervasive feeling of inadequacy. In this essential piece, Rachel addresses the quiet, internalized sense of “not enoughness” that she hears every day in her practice and offers a crucial, body centered shift in perspective.
Why “Not Enoughness” Is Everywhere Right Now
by Rachel Lefkowitz Parnes, MA, AMFT
Lately, there’s been something in the air — and I’m hearing it from so many people I work with.
A quiet (or loud) sense of “I’m not doing enough… I’m not being enough… I should be handling this better.”
What’s interesting is that it’s showing up even for people who are objectively doing really well. People whose partners are telling them, “You’re amazing,” or whose managers are praising their work. And yet inside, it still feels like they’re falling behind.
If this is you, you’re not broken. You’re not missing something. You’re having a very human response to the pace and pressure of life right now.
Why This Feeling Shows Up (Even When You’re Doing Great)
1. Stress makes everything look worse from the inside.
When we’re tired, overwhelmed, or stretched thin, our minds tend to default to self-criticism. You can get the best feedback in the world and still feel like you’re failing because your internal system is running low.
Think of it like low battery mode — everything gets dimmer, including how you see yourself.
2. High achievers are especially vulnerable to this.
People who care deeply — about their work, their relationships, their families — often feel responsible for everything.
And when you care that much, the bar for “enough” keeps moving.
You can hit one goal and immediately feel behind on the next one. Not because you’re failing — but because you’re wired to give, lead, and carry a lot.
3. We’re spending less time in the places that refill us.
Most of us are overextended, overstimulated, and under-rested.
There’s not a lot of spaciousness to hear yourself, let alone take care of yourself.
And when you don’t have moments of true rest or presence, it’s almost impossible to feel grounded in your own worth.
It’s Not About Doing More — It’s About Turning Back Toward Yourself
So many of us respond to “not enoughness” by trying to push harder.
Work more. Achieve more. Fix something. Prove something. Be better.
But more output doesn’t fix an internal imbalance.
What usually helps is something quieter:
- a check-in with your body
- a moment of honesty with yourself
- acknowledging where you’re stretched thin
- giving yourself the tenderness you give everyone else
Often, it’s not that you are not enough. It’s that you haven’t had enough you lately.
A Gentle Practice to Try
Take a minute today and ask yourself:
“What part of me feels ignored right now?”
Then notice:
- What does that part need?
- Is it rest? Reassurance? Permission to drop something?
- Can you give it something small today?
A tiny dose of self-attention can shift your entire internal landscape.
If You’re Feeling This Right Now, You’re Not Alone
Not enoughness is a universal experience, especially for people who are thoughtful, driven, and carrying a lot.
You don’t have to fix everything today.
>You don’t have to be “more.”
>You don’t have to earn your own compassion.
Take care of yourself in whatever small way you can. You’re doing more than you think.
Rachel touches on a fundamental truth here: the pursuit of worth through endless achievement is a core driver of Bay Area burnout. That inner critical voice, the one telling you you’re not doing enough, isn’t trying to hurt you; it’s a desperate part of your system trying to keep you safe by ensuring you perform to an impossible standard. The true shift lies in creating the spaciousness and self attention that Rachel suggests. At Center for Mindful Psychotherapy, our associates, many of whom are trained in practices such as Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Mindfulness, are experts at helping you turn toward that inner critic with curiosity and kindness. We can help you unpack the early messaging that wired your worth to your output. If you are ready to stop running and start resting in the knowledge that your being is inherently enough, consider connecting with a therapist who truly understands this journey.
You can learn more about working with Rachel by reading her Conversations with Clinicians interview.
Find Rachel’s bio and contact information in our therapist directory.