How to Become a Mindful Couple and Enjoy a Peaceful Relationship

mindful couples

couple in mindful connection

When someone first starts to explore the concept of mindfulness, they find a lot of information related to meditation. While that’s one aspect or tool for mindfulness, the concept is much broader. It’s about bringing awareness to the present moment without bringing judgment to it. So, even though a lot of mindfulness work is done individually, you can also bring mindfulness to your relationships. You can learn with your partner how to become a mindful couple. This can bring peace and positive growth into your relationship.

What Is Mindfulness?

what is mindfulness

Mindfulness is a:

  • State of being
  • Commitment to the present moment
  • Way to detach from judgement
  • Path to a more peaceful life

Practicing mindfulness is acceptance and an understanding that life unfolds in the moment. Our thoughts drift to the past with regret. They drift to the future with apprehension. Much of our stress and challenges in life come from the motion of those thoughts.

However, mindfulness teaches us:

We are not our thoughts and we can live more fully in the here and now.

mindfulness couples

3 Ways to Learn Mindfulness

How can you learn mindfulness? One interesting answer to this question is to remember. Remember who you are and where you are. Remember, too, that you can’t change the past or predict the future.

Of course, this is easier said than done so here are few tips for specifically learning and practicing mindfulness:


We all breathe to live, but do we breathe to live in the moment? Focus on your breath. As you do, recognize the thoughts that arise and allow them to move on. Count your breaths. Consciously live your breaths. Do them all throughout the day, as often as you remember to do so.

Learn to meditate

Meditation does help you learn how to be in the present moment. There are many different types of meditation including walking meditation for those who have trouble sitting still. Explore different options to see if any of them work well for you.

Stay Present During Daily Activities

We all rush through daily activities like doing dishes or brushing our teeth. At the same time, we multi-task, thinking about all of the other things on our minds. However, these seemingly mundane chores offer us an opportunity to practice being in the moment.

Focus on the sensations of each experience. This will leave less room for random, unhelpful thoughts. The more you clear your mind during daily activities, the more peace you may feel in the moment.

5 Ways to Become a Mindful Couple

mindful couples

Embracing mindfulness will help you in all aspects of your life. This includes your relationships. Furthermore, commitment to becoming a mindful couple is a bonding, trust-building process.

Mindfulness allows each of you to become more aware of:

  • the rhythm and patterns of your own behavior
  • how your behavior impacts your partner
  • the love and trust that is the foundation of your relationship
  • underlying issues so you know what you truly want to discuss instead of fighting over everything

You can begin the move towards such awareness by considering the following 5 steps.

1. Pay Attention to Your Spoken Language

Being mindful involves speaking mindfully. Word choice matters. Being in sync with your partner means understanding and respecting their boundaries and triggers. Avoid “you” statements. Focus on expressing your feelings. If you’re not sure about something, ask.

2. Pay Attention to Your Body Language

Many of the things we do with our bodies can silently speak volumes to our partners. It could be a shrug that feels dismissive. If you’re larger than your partner, it could involve you simply standing up during a conversation, which feels threatening. Other examples include:

  • Eye rolling
  • Lack of eye contact
  • Clenching fists
  • Grinding teeth
  • Turning away from your partner
  • Crossing your arms
  • Clinging when your partner doesn’t want to be touched

If you mindfully attend to your own body language, then you make sure that it’s saying what you intend. The mindful couple communicates clearly and without contradictory body language. They also listen carefully when one of them has a concern to share about non-verbal communication issues.

mindfulness in relationships

3. Refine your Listening Skills

Here are some basic suggestions for staying present when your partner is speaking:

  • Maintain eye contact
  • Do not interrupt
  • Wait for a pause if you need them to clarify something
  • When it’s your turn to speak, acknowledge what’s been said and validate it
  • Don’t focus on what your reply will be
  • Again: Do not interrupt
  • Maintain an open mind
  • Stay on topic; finish addressing what your partner has said before you move on to other things

4. Meditate Together

The couple that meditates together, elevates together. Work as a team to keep your relationship rooted in the here and now. You may already cook together or exercise together or watch movies together. Why not make mindfulness another shared activity and goal?

5. Work Together With a Mindfulness Counselor

Mindfulness practice can be a part of many different types of therapy including couples therapy. If you and your partner are interested in exploring how becoming a mindful couple can assist you in improving your relationships, then seek out therapy that allows for this practice.

Many of our therapists incorporate mindfulness into their practices. Browse our therapist directory to find the therapist who might work best for you. Contact us today if you have any questions.

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